Vagrant

Today is one of those rare days when I feel a bit sad and reckless and need to do something impulsive to kill the negativity before it sinks into my system. Which is why I am glad now that the worst I did was midnight swimming and chilling out in the college’s main entrance by lounging across two benches.

It was too bad that the news came during the walk to catch the 1D movie in 3D (which I have been looking forward to due to the lack of access to Tumblr for my daily dose of 1D). The news, in one swift and clean blow, tore down all the foundations we’ve laid over the past week for the founding of a Photography Club in our school. The news, in one easy and solid sentence, wiped our entire pro-tem committee members for the writing of the constitution irrelevant and jobless. The news, in one conversation over the phone, made me not want to go back to my hostel (despite it being a really long day with an intense Economic lesson and a class test for Chemistry) and face myself and consequently what I’ve failed to do (again).

And so that explains how during the One Direction movie I was screaming like the quintessential fangirl but I was doing it more for getting rid of the toxic building up in my mind rather than getting excited over the appearance of Louis Tomlinson. And how after that I followed Austin, Michelle and Zitian to Nando’s and during that time I managed to procure two free tickets to the ensemble performance tonight held in our university hall. I was not interested in classical music at the moment, but I took the tickets anyway and walked back to college thinking I could sell them then at least my day would have been productive. When I got to college though I changed my mind because I really didn’t want to go back to the hostel yet. I might as well go to the concert. Then it occurred to me that I have no one to share the second ticket with so I called Huimin and invited her over. She said OK. While waiting for her I lay down on the bench. For the first time in a very long time I felt a sense of calmness and tranquility that comes with you being totally comfortable with being thoughtfully alone with yourself in a very public area.

About 50 minutes later Huimin arrived and she said I looked like a vagrant. And I think that that reflects what I was feeling at the time that I looked like a vagrant: I felt like a wanderer, an observer, momentarily disconnected. I was in my own bubble, not thinking about my course of life and my relative uselessness to society, but rather, simply existed as a product of thoughts of the present. I was also thinking that I could extrapolate this experience and spend one night in the college just for the heck of it.

Anwyay me and Huimin went to the Mozart on Silk Road concert at the University Hall. We had balcony seats which were more private than the formal seats directly in front of the performers. And then Huimin said this was the most civilized thing I have done: attending a classical music performance and I agree with her. It was pretty much the epitome of civilization; being able to verbally appreciate the fineness of art in the presence of so many socialites. And it would have been civilized if we had quietly listened to the passages but of course not, yours truly has never been a civilized person. We were more akin to your typical teenage assholes who made stupid commentary and talked about how one of the performers look like he is wearing a helmet on stage and how one of the pieces sound like we were riding sheep into the sunset.

But we stayed the whole way through and when it ended we walked back to the hostel because I couldn’t delay doing laundry any longer. While waiting for laundry I went swimming at near midnight and it was an exhilarating experience. I had Janice texting on her phone and Huimin trying to sing in the soprano range to the same songs over and over again by the pool. I was alone in the whole swimming pool under the dark sky and I felt free. Until I stepped on something in the pool that suspiciously felt like a tangle of human hair. I got so disgusted that my mood was killed.

I might have been running the entire day, but eventually we had to come back to the hostel after laundry. In my room where I am now there are no more distractions and I am faced with myself and my failure but fortunately I am so exhausted I cannot do much thinking.

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